(More than) Fourinarow.net

As I lay in bed this morning dozing off and on with various juvenile faces fading in and out of view, I thought that one of the nice things about spring break – besides not fixing lunches – is not having to get out of bed at the crack of dawn.  And then an elbow hit me in the chin.

I got up and dragged myself to the kitchen where I poured apple juice for my two youngest.  One then returned to the bedroom where the TV was already blaring, while the other ate some Frosted Mini-Wheats at the kitchen table.  I think I managed to feed one more child before the phone rang.  It was The Tax Dan.

Before he could utter two words, however, Sam came up behind me and began jumping up and down, hanging on my jeans pocket and yelling.  I set the phone down, picked him up, and deposited him on a chair in another room screamed at him gave him a stern warning not to interrupt me again.

Back to the phone. On his way to work, Dan told me, he realized that although we had filed an extension for the feds, we’d failed to file one for the state of Illinois.  Could I handle that?

Hahahahahahaha.  Sure!  No problemo!  After all, one child was still in bed.  I only had three running around like banshees.  Of course I could look up the information, write a check, print the form, get it in an envelope, find a stamp and mail it all.  Easy.

I found the form I needed easily enough and sent it to print.  Hopscotching over kids and toys, I headed to the basement to retrieve it from the printer.  While there, I also fed the cat and cleaned his box.  I grabbed the form and headed back up, encountering screams from Maria that Luke had stolen her necklace, thrown it across the room and lost it.  I walked past the milieu, out the back door and to the trashcan to deposit the cat’s gifts.  Luke followed me out in his socks, yelling that he hadn’t done anything wrong.  I ignored him and told him to go find his sister’s necklace.

Jack came bounding down the stairs about that time, zooming his Lego planes through the air (with sound effects) which he had been upstairs building when I thought he was still in bed.  It didn’t take long for one of the planes to crash, resulting in tiny Lego pieces all over the kitchen.

I asked Jack what he wanted for breakfast and he reported that he’d like oatmeal, but RED oatmeal, because, “blah, blah, blah Star Wars, blah.”  Red oatmeal?  Fine.

I put some water in the microwave and hollered at the kids not to touch the space heater in my room so as not to blow the fuse.  While the water was heating up, as was my stress level, I looked over at the chocolate cake that was sitting in the cake saver, left over from Easter dinner.  It was begging me to eat it.  It begged me all day yesterday, too.  What to do?

I just couldn’t. Take it.  Anymore.

Cake for breakfast.

So I served it up to the kids.  “Cake for breakfast?!?”  They asked, delightedly.  “Yep,” I told them.  “Eat it all,” I added.  And they did.  Thank goodness.

Soon after, Jack’s oatmeal was ready.  I added the red, just like he had asked.  I gave it to him and watched the expression on his face as he looked at it.  “Eat it.  You asked for it.  It tastes the same,” I told him.  He didn’t look too enthused as he took the smallest bite possible.  I didn’t blame him… it looked like some sort of bloody pulp out of a horror flick.  No way in hell I would have touched it.  Even if it did taste the same.

Let them eat cake! So I don't.

I glanced at the clock.  9:07 a.m. Heaven help me.

I was still trying to get the tax stuff together and get a stamp on the envelope.  I hollered at everyone to get shoes and jackets on, as we needed to leave soon to take Maria to her friend’s house.  Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing, grabbed their jackets and put there shoes on.  Right.

I finished the tax project (might not seem like a “project” to you, but with four kids, ANY task is a project).

I hustled the kids out the door and into the van, grabbed my keys, thought I grabbed the item I needed to return to Target, and headed out.  We sat in the driveway for several minutes while Maria cried because she couldn’t remember Emily’s last name and I needed her last name to look her up in the book to get her address and punch it into the GPS.  Meanwhile, Luke was having what looked like epileptic seizures because he couldn’t get his seat belt straightened out.  (Does anti-seizure medication work on the self-induced kind?)  Finally, after looking at every Emily in the book, we were on our way.  Two houses down, though, I stopped, backed up, jumped out (taking the keys with me), ran into the house and retrieved the forgotten Target return.

We found Emily’s house in the next town over pretty easily.  I oooooed and awwwwwed over the very charming, very beautiful 100-year old house.  Exactly what we don’t have, but really wanted.  I spent too long chatting with Emily’s mom and the next thing I knew, Jack and Luke had escaped from the car and were running up onto the porch.  At least they hadn’t liberated Sam.

I said my good-byes, got the boys back in the car and we headed to Target.  Or so I thought.  Rather than making my way there as I knew how, I told my GPS where I wanted to go, thinking it would give me a faster route.  Instead, it took me to Costco which USED to be a Target.  You’d think I’d have noticed what was happening, but I was busy messing with my iPhone’s iPod which wasn’t shuffling the songs like it’s supposed to.  Instead, it was playing the same song over and over and over and over.  I think Sam broke it yesterday when he was listening to Sheryl Crowe’s “Real Gone” from Cars.  Over and over and over and over again.  In the hall at Karate.  Belting out the words with her.  (I’m pretty sure that IF people want to hear the song they’d like to hear it unaccompanied by my 2-year-old.) I swear, I was stuck in the Twilight Zone.  Driving around in circles, the same song playing over and over…

Eventually, I turned off the GPS and my iPhone and made it to Target.  We got what we needed then wondered over to the bike aisle, since Jack is getting a new bike for his upcoming birthday.  We tried on some helmets until Jack got tired of that, spotted the bicycle horns and honked away.  LOUDLY.  I asked him nicely to return it to the shelf I grabbed it away from him, tossed it back onto the shelf and we quickly left the store.  But not without almost stealing a Lightening McQueen bicycle helmet that Lukie had nabbed and stuck under the cart.

I forced the boys to play outside upon returning home and popped some corn dogs into the oven for lunch.  When they were finished, I ushered the kids inside, stood over them while they chowed down and then, unbelievably, it was time to go get Maria.

I seriously don’t know how I’m going to survive the rest of the week.  And, Dear, Lord.  What am I going to do this summer?!?!