I don’t remember every detail, but I do know that my God-given freebie involved me in another room changing a newborn Maria’s diaper while Jack stayed in the kitchen with a pot of Spaghetti-O’s on the stove. I returned to find Jack on tip-toes at the stove, hand on the pot handle. I know. I know!!! God definitely issued me a freebie that day.

It wasn’t long before I discovered that God gives out one freebie per child. (I guess he realizes how many brain cells we lose with each addition to the family.) Luke’s came before Maria’s.

I was unpacking the house after first moving to Tennessee and had Luke (then 4 mos. old) lying on my bed. At the foot of the bed was a cedar chest and on top of that were two very tall, very heavy, very full wardrobe boxes. Something (I don’t remember what) was stuck underneath one of the boxes. Whatever it was, I wanted it and instead of setting the wardrobe box on the floor, I yanked at the object. The box fell onto the bed… onto Luke. With superhuman strength I threw the wardrobe box to the floor and scooped up my poor baby, whom I was sure was dead or at least severely damaged. He was screaming like a banchee, so clearly he had survived. I remember calling Dr. Brother-In-Law in tears, begging him to tell me that Luke would be okay, which he was (although these days some may argue that point).

Freebie #3 was Maria’s narrow escape from disfigurement when she had the Easter accident a couple of years ago. She didn’t get off lightly, but considering what metal can do to a face, I definitely consider that our Maria freebie.

Today was Sam’s turn.

After dropping Jack at school, Maria planted herself in front of the TV (I have GOT to curb that) and The Little Boys and I played outside. I took the opportunity to snap some photos. At one point, Luke was sitting on the top step of the playhouse ladder and Sam was climbing down it backward. I thought it’d be cute to get some pics of the two sitting side by side, so I grabbed Sam mid-decent and sat him up next to his brother. They hammed it up for a couple of minutes and then Sam found a small rock. He threw it out in front of him, off of the top of the playhouse… and went with it. And into my arms. Both stunned, we just clung to each other, camera smashed between us, and I thought about all the things that could have happened had I not been standing right there… and had a freebie coming.

Let’s analyze this.

Spin class: 45 physically challenging minutes
Mass: One excruciating mentally and physically challenging hour

Spin class: Motivating, rockin’ music played loud enough to drown out any grunts of pain
Mass: Who can pay attention to the music? And, nothing’s loud enough to drown out the noise coming from our pew

Spin class: Darkened room so no one can see your pathetic attempt at exercise
Mass: Plenty of light so everyone can see your pathetic attempts at controlling your children

Spin class: Sweating profusely by the time it’s all over
Mass: Sweating profusely by the time it’s all over

Spin class: Feeling of accomplishment and improved physical health
Mass: No feeling. Just numbness. Mental and physical numbness.

I guess I shouldn’t feel like such a slacker for missing spin today due to attending mass. I got a workout in after all.

Seriously, though, the kids weren’t too bad (“They were just being kids!” My friend The Ironer Troy told me afterward.) And, that is true. Thankfully, we were surrounded by wonderful friends on all sides, shielding us from the evil eyes pointed in our direction.

Short vent: Really… why attend mass at a SCHOOL if you can’t stand the occasional disruptions children are known for?

This morning’s theme song: “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor

This afternoon while were were playing outside, Luke kept saying something that I just could not understand. So, I asked Maria what he was saying.

“He’s saying gonga!”

“Gonga?” I asked. “What does that mean?”

“It means… chimney in Spanish,” she says. ?!?!

A few minutes later, it dawned on me that Luke was saying “gone.” “Gone, gone, gone,” he said when he finished his popsicle. “Gone.” “Gonga.” Whatever.

…that bubble bath is not to be used in a jacuzzi tub? I did, which is why I’d never do it.

However, I discovered today that just a tiny bit of baby wash on a pouf shouldn’t be used either!

It’s been several hours. There are still bubbles in the bottom of my tub.

… That Jack can climb a tree? A really tall tree? A really tall, flimsy tree? I mean, do you see how skinny those branches are and how high up he is?

I’m definitely seeing the ER in my future (especially since my first instinct is to run for the camera rather than spot him as he climbs down.)

…that it is absolutely hilarious when a 15-month-old pulls his sister’s hair? (To the 15-month-old, anyway.) And, when she escapes – after being scalped repeatedly – it’s almost as fun to crawl over and try (hard) to pull your brother’s ear off?

Really, that’s what Jack and Maria get for being sooooooooo completely absorbed in a TV show.

…that I really wish you people would leave me a comment or two?  I mean, it’s nice to hear you say you like my blog and it’s nice to get the occasional email.  But, I’d really like you to post it here so the whole world can read it!  (Not that I’m looking for an ego stroke or anything.)