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A dining experience with the H family:

The menu:  Flank steak, potatoes, biscuits and milk (This is big, people.  I don’t cook much.)

Thinking ahead, I preheated the oven so the potatoes could go in around 4:30 and we could eat around 5:30.  Around 5:15 or so, I wander into the kitchen to start getting the steak ready for broiling.  And see the potatoes sitting on the counter instead of in the oven where I thought they were.

Shit.

I put the potatoes in and change my plans to eat around 6:30.  Might even work out better, as Dan should be home by then.

I put a conveniently sleeping baby into his bed for a nap.

At 6:30, I pulled the steak and potatoes out and put the biscuits in.  Set the table with Jack.  Baby still sleeping – yes!.  No Dan, but I set a plate for him anyway, thinking he’d be home mid-dinner.

As usual, anticipating whatever, I wolf down my meal.  As I finish my biscuit, the baby starts to cry.  Sam declares he is finished also, and is excused to play in the basement.

I leave Maria, Jack and Luke to finish their meals.  As I walk away to get the baby, I think about how nice tonight’s dinner has gone and how well everyone is behaving.

Thinking Dan should be home any second, I change the baby and settle in to feed him.  While he’s on the boob, Sam comes running up the stairs yelling that he needs to poop.  “So, go!” I tell him.

Jack yells from the kitchen, “Maaaaa—oooom!” (How I hate that sing-song calling of my name from another room.)  “Maria is eating another piece of steak!”  (The only steak left on the table is on Dan’s plate.)  I choose to ignore this, as there’s more steak on the stove.

Then, “Maaaaaa—–oooooommmmm!  Luke’s touching me with his steak!”

I yell back, “Luke, you’re finished.  Clear your plate and get into the shower.”

While Luke is in motion, I hear a cup hit the floor and ten a holler from Jack.  He has spilled his milk.  “I’ll clean it!”  He yells.  “You’re damn right,” I think, knowing, though, that I will have to clean up behind him.

Before I can take a breath, Sam hollers from the bathroom that he’s finished and needs me to wipe him up.  Baby is still on the boob and Dan is still not home.  I holler back that he needs to sit and wait.

Baby finishes.  I clean Sam up.  I supervise Jack’s cleaning of the spill.

And Dan gets home.