Have you ever known someone that just slightly intimidates you? Not for any real reason – they aren’t older or wiser or smarter (probably) and they don’t really have anything to make you envious. It’s just that they… well, intimidate you for some reason. And, that slight intimidation festers and grows. It creates self fulfilling prophesies, especially of the Murphy’s Law variety.
Her: DINK
Me: SIGK*
Her: Nice, clean, sporty vehicles
Me: Mommy van with “character” on the outside and old french fries, homework papers, M&Ms, apple cores, juice box straws and crayons on the inside (although some of this often falls to the outside upon opening doors).
Her: Beautiful, professionally landscaped home with a spotless interior**.
Me: House that holds all of us, but may not survive all of us.
Her: The perfect dog: Doesn’t need a leash. Never snatches food from small children. doesn’t bark early in the morning or late in the night (waking all the neighbors). Has never been skunked in his umpteen years.
Me: Cheerio: Escapes at every possible moment. Steals food from the table and takes advantage of small children. Barks at EVERY squirrel she lays eyes on. Gets skunked quarterly.
Her: Makes dates to play tennis with her friends in her spare time
Me: Spare time? What is that?
Her: Enjoys drinking a small amount socially
Me: Drinks wine by the box to keep sane
I could go on and on. As I said in the beginning, she doesn’t have anything I want or need – I’d never trade with her. (Okay, maybe cars for a day). But somehow I always turn into a bumbling idiot in her presence. I try too hard to keep to myself, shush my kids, and keep the dog on a tight leash while around her. And then, suddenly all hell breaks loose and the kids are screaming at each other, my hair is sticking up and the dog is running loose down the street dragging her leash and a roll of 1,000 doggie poo bags behind her.
It makes me want to cry. Or laugh. Or drink. A lot.
*Single Income Gaggle of Kids
**I don’t know for sure, as I’ve never been inside. I’m sure she’d be afraid of what would happen if one of us entered her perfectly ordered home.
4 responses so far ↓
1 Gwen // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:38 am
I can relate, yet we all know that people like her aren’t as perfect as they seem. How sad that she has no kids and an unimaginative dog! How boring must her life be?
2 Gwen // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:40 am
P.S. Growing your own beer ingredients is also cooler than professional landscaping.
3 Troy // Sep 12, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Been feeling this way about a lot of people around us lately. Why does it seem like people with 2 kids have it all together? They NEVER run late. They aren’t EVER threatening their kids through clenched teeth in the grocery store or ignoring their kids because they are tired of threatening. Why am I jealous of them or intimidated by them? I don’t know. I think it is easier to think they have it better. The grass is always greener…….. If that woman knew your heart like I know your heart….she’d be begging to be your friend!
4 Kristina // Sep 15, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Susan- I’m so sorry… I had no idea I was intimidating you so much!
As IF!!!!!
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