(More than) Fourinarow.net

No, no, no.  Sam’s NOT going to be a big brother.  That’s not the kind of big brother I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the other kind…

Have you ever heard of redlightviolations.com?  Well, neither had I.  Until I opened my mail yesterday and found that I had received a Red Light Violation Notice, courtesy of the nice folks over in Villa Park.

The notice came on high quality stock and included two dated, time-stamped photos – in full color – of my van making a right-hand turn at an intersection.  On red.  There was also a nice blown up photo of my license plate. (I’m sure this was just in case someone else out there has Uppercase Living information posted all over the back of their gray Honda Odyessy van and I didn’t believe it was mine.)

In case the photos didn’t convince me of my criminal actions, I was informed I could go to redlightviolations.com, enter my information and watch a video of my transgression.  Of course I did.  I looked carefully for signs of video editing, hoping for proof that I’d been framed, but no such luck.  There was my van, zipping along, making a right turn on red.  Oh, the horror!

Next, I looked in vain for some type of proof that it was DAN driving and not me.  No dice there, either.  The conveniently provided date and time stamp proved it… I was the culprit.  I had been running to Wal-Mart to kill time between school and the kids’ dentist appointment.  It was raining, so a quick trip to the park had been out of the question.  I remember the day perfectly.  Dammit.

Now, in my defense, it isn’t like I just blew through an intersection, ignoring a red light, risking the lives of myself, my children and others on the street.  No.  I simply turned right on red while the opposing traffic was turning on a green arrow.  Not a big deal, right?  I mean, you can see my break lights in the video, so at least I slowed down…

Any guesses to how much this fancy-schmancy high-tech ticket cost me?

Come on.

Guess.

ONE HUNDRED F-ING DOLLARS!

Hello! I guess I won’t be getting mulch for the front yard any time soon.  OUCH.  SUPER OUCH.

I wonder if I at least get a copy of the video?  As a commemorative gift?  Doubtful.  I’d send you all to the website to see it, but a) I don’t want to support these f-ers and b) I can’t possibly give you all my personal information to get in to see the video.

I’ve been stewing about this “violation” since I received it.  And I’m mad about the money.  But I’m also a little creeped out, ya know?  I mean, I don’t think I like beings seen and videoed without my knowledge.  I don’t like that there are people “out there” watching me.  I know they aren’t watching all the time (heck, DFS hasn’t come knocking on the door yet)* but still… even some cameras being out there is kind of spooky, dontcha think?

I kind of feel like the Kit Ramsey in “Bowfinger”.  Or Truman in “The Truman Show”.  Or Ozzy in “The Osbournes”.  No, wait, scratch that one… he knows he’s being taped, right? (Idiot.)

So far we’ve really liked it here in Chicagoland.  And Dan likes what he’s doing.  But about now, I’m a little homesick for rural Missouri and the contacts and privlidges I had there…

I have until June 8 to pay or contest the violation.  So, please, feel free to leave a comment with your ideas for contesting it, or simply send money.  (Sending money is probably best.)

*Kidding!!!